I want to get my shit together and turn my life around but I also want to die
I can not keep up with my ADHD any longer. I am so fed up with shit and I have no one to blame but myself. I can’t find or figure out how I was so motivated previously. I am overwhelmed with school. I don’t know what to do. I didn’t go to school today because I was supposed to go to the zoo with my boyfriend but of course he’s still sleeping. I should’ve gone but now he’s not even answering the phone. I hate my life right now and don’t have the motivation to change it. I am sick of going to class everyday and being judged. I usually don’t care what people think but this place has caused me to back track to the mind set I had when I was fucking up constantly and look where I am, back at that same place. I need a change of scenery. I can’t go back to my old school. I can’t stand where I go to now. I’m in a crossroads of possibility’s that aren’t meant for me. I’m stuck.. all I want to do now is smoke weed again and get drunk. I’m glad I don’t have weed. I have alcohol but I took my adderall today and don’t want to take the change of having a heart attack because my breathing has been inconsistent lately. Fuck.
Why do I do this to myself..I need to get a grip on reality but I don’t know what to reach for.
I guess I’ll go apply at Taco Bell tomorrow just to have a guaranteed job since I know a couple of people who work there. I am so disheartened I wasn’t hired at Bealls that it totally threw off my job hunting ambition. I was so amped to go apply at more and more places after I applied there, then I got an interview that lasted two hours, and didn’t even get hired. The fact I wasted so much time there made me unmotivated. I don’t even care where I work anymore as long as it isn’t a restaurant like a sitdown place. Fast Food was last resort but I don’t even care i just want some kind of pay check. I want to try retail but I don’t know if I’m cut out for it. We’ll see…
I need a job.
I think it’s funny that people who treat you like shit get offended when you finally do the same to them.